Thursday, February 23, 2012

What I want to remember...

Thomas underroos.

Little booty with no pants and tennis shoes at the end, running around, proud that he put his shoes on.

Little girl with golden brown curls bouncing as she bops around the house.

Tiny voices singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and "Jesus Loves Me" in the grocery cart.

Princess shucking her shoes and socks whenever the opportunity arises (meaning she can reach them).

Princess donning bright pinks snowboots with capris... ready to go.

Princess nightgowns with a sleepy, messy-haired little girl in them.

That sweet voice saying proudly, "I got Boot-th!"

Snuggling on the couch with a wee one until they fall asleep.

Giggles and chasing after bubbles in sheer, unadultered delight.

The little blonde boy who says several times a day while Ryan's at school, "I need my pal Ryan."

The sweet, leg-flailing dance that little boy does.

The giggles of a little girl on her daddy's lap.  Her hero's lap.

The same little girl, holding daddy's hands, dancing with all her might in those soft bare feet.

Those sweet, soft, unspoiled feet...

These are things I'll miss so much.  They'll all grow up.  They'll grow into educations, jobs, friends, marriages, whatever God has for them.  They'll move on, they'll outgrow a lot of these things.  Their hearts, like their little feet, will likely become a bit worn.

Do they have to be worn?  Do their hearts have to grow hard, tired, and weary with age?

At times they will be hurt, but they don't have to grow bitter.

At times they will be tired, but they'll find rest.

At times they will be frustrated, but they will find hope.

I pray that we're modeling these things for them.  I know we fail.  I know we spend time in the wrong ways at times, but there is grace.  We're only human.  And they are God's creations, his children.

There are things I don't want to remember, too.

I'm tempted to forget the time I spent on the bathroom floor when I should have been playing.

I'm tempted to overlook the time the littles spend in transit and waiting on brother.

I'm tempted to take for granted that they adore their big brother, completely and without question.

I'd love to forget the fear that, in a fit of whatever, he might hurt one of them.

I'd love to quit worrying about him bolting or wandering when we're out.

I'd love to just be through with timers, schedules, boundaries, alarms, and the like.

I'd also love to do JUST ONE THING, just once, that isn't scheduled, social-storied, and planned to death.  With the whole family.

But you know what?  If I forgot all that stuff, I might forget all we've learned.  Losing the things I want to forget or just quit might make the things I don't want to forget a little less special.  Well, that and there's no way I can just quit or forget any of the things I want to.  But if I become too lost in the frustration of the moment, I might miss things like:

Maelynn falling asleep on Richie.

Richie falling asleep sharing a pillow with Ryan.

Maelynn and Richie doing their deal-level best to help Ryan calm down.

Ryan telling Richie "it's okay" when he accidentally makes a mess.

Ryan reading "The Going to Bed Book" over and over, and saying randomly, "I love the Going to Bed Book!"

Ryan wandering up to me, laying his head on my shoulder, and whispering "I love you mommy", ever so quietly... and it happens once in a long time.

So what to do, what to do?

Keep swimming.  Teach them to swim.  Teach them to fall in love, not with life, not just with each other, but with their Savior. Teach them where true help and hope come from... real love, lasting peace.  Teach them to fall in love with Him.  Not just once in life, but every day.  Not even just once a day.

"Love Song For A Savior"

In open fields of wild flowers,

she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

Thanks be to God for the moments.  All of 'em.

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