Smoke

Yesterday was a pretty great day.  If you know us, you know that Wednesday is about the busiest day we have all week.  Between our bible study here in town, therapy in Waco, and the kids' participation in AWANA's here in town it gets exciting.  It's also the day I get to have my favorite high school kid over, and we cook dinner together and just generally act silly.  It's lovely.

At therapy, we've been working on trying new foods.  It's been our hardest objective to meet, and I still wouldn't say we've completely trained him to try new foods.  ABA therapy has done a ton for us, and this is the one thing I've been wondering if we should just give up on and try another objective.  But I know, too, that if we drop this now it might make the problem worse.  You know I don't want that!

The whole way to Waco, Ryan randomly says "Going to see Ms. B to chew and swallow."  All on his own.  He knows what he's practicing, and although he loves Ms. B, I do believe he's sick of this objective. Good thing he loves her!  Anyway, yesterday I heard a lot of random squealing.  Didn't sound like him.  Turns out he FINALLY chewed and swallowed, and with NO screaming, kicking, hitting, or any kind of undesirable behavior!  Oh, there was much rejoicing!!!  She asked him to chew so many times, then even before she could ask him to swallow, he said "You did it!" and upon a wide-mouthed check, his success was confirmed.

We high-fived and celebrated like crazy.

Then the evening passed like it normally does, and as I waited to get my Richie from Cubbies, one of the leaders asked if he was going to be in preschool next year.  We'd already decided against public preschool due to the fact that I had to send Ryan when he was three.  Richie and Maelynn aren't going to public school until kindergarten.  They receive socialization, we read to them, we count with them, we do all kinds of things with them that will help them academically.  We want them to be home and have that extra year to become comfortable with who they... who WE are as a family... before they spend a full day at school.  And you know what?  I like having them here, people.  There ya go.

That said, I had completely forgotten about putting him on the preschool waiting list at the same church in town where he has AWANA's.  That one, two days a week, half a day, yeah.  We can do that.  Totally.  You know what else she said?  She said she thinks he'd be great at school.  She said he was at the top of the list and the list is long.  So I practically ran home to tell Eric, and we decided quickly that yes, he can go to preschool. Eric was so cute... he congratulated Richie on his college acceptance letter.  Love that man!

But you know what makes me worry about all that?  Not the preschool.  It's run by good people.  It'll be good for him and good for me to get some time with just my Maelynn every week.

I worry because I completely forgot.

I forgot he was on the waiting list.  Heck, I forgot about the preschool.  I hadn't even thought about it in months.  We're so busy worrying about Ryan and his behaviors, teachers, therapies, appointments for this and that, that I completely forgot.

That cute little boy who bops around throwing "sic 'em bears!" at the college kids while he waits on his brother... that sweet boy who slept on my lap while his brother succeeded in therapy because he was just plain exhausted... the sweet boy who says "Bye pal Ryan!" every day when we drop him at school, that precious, curly headed boy who, upon being reminded by me that daddy loves him, turned it right back and said, "he loves you too, mommy!" as Eric left for work this morning... yeah, him.  I forgot about a little chunk of his future.

Sometimes feelings are just feelings, and sometimes they're smoke.  Where there's smoke, there's fire.  Where there's a fire, it needs tending or putting out.

Thanks be to God for helping me smell the smoke for this fire.  My littles need my attention, too.