Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Odd Start to a Vacay

It's been a long day, and I'm exhausted.  Wish I could say it was fun that wore me down but I can't.
We've begun vacation, complete with forgotten items that we had to have, and looking like the tourists we are while trying to find our way around.  In a funny way, but it's begun nonetheless. I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

Today has been full of driving, packing, appointments, dropping this off here and that off there.  We had to push up the date to leave because of an appointment with Ryan's eye surgeon.  No, he isn't having surgery... no worries (kinda).  Click here for a better explanation.  We just have to visit back forever.  And ever... or so it seems.

When we first started this glaucoma mess when Ryan was two months old, we were new parents, believing that this would get easier.  They told us that exams under anesthesia to check the eye pressures of babies are common, and that Ryan would soon, at maybe four, be able to handle having his pressures checked in the office, no anesthesia needed.  Ah, what a lovely day that would be!  No big deal.  Just a little touch, easy office visit, followed by a sticker and a pat on the back.

Well, last time I checked, Ryan's seven.  And that easy-peasy, no big deal appointment has yet to occur.

You see, today was anything but no big deal.

Helping hold my screaming boy so that his eyes can be dilated is definitely a big deal.

Fighting back the tears... forcing the heartbreak of what he's having to do... the unfairness of it all that he just can't understand... seeing him so completely beside himself... is definitely a big deal.

Holding him in the floor of the exam room after that awful ordeal, rocking him, apologizing over and over is a big deal.

Desperately trying to help the resident (who was doing a bang-up job, might I add) refract his eyes once they were dilated was a big deal.

I hate doing this to him.

But I'd hate it more if his pressures rose again and he was in pain.  I'd hate it more if he lost his sight.

We did this last year for the other eye doctor, but the surgeon wasn't happy with the way we did it. When he saw the date of the last exam under anesthesia, he said that we needed another one.

It's not the end of the world.  We go to day surgery at Children's, they give him some chill-out meds, general anesthesia, check his pressures in about five minutes, then bring him out.  But it's the process.  He's bigger.  How am I going to get him to let them place an IV?  How in the world is he going to handle this?

It's not the procedure.  It's the reasoning behind it.  Another thing that should seemingly be easy is hard, dramatic, and scary.

As we loaded the kids back into the van. I looked up and caught a glimpse of a familiar building.  Of all the times I've been to Children's with Ryan, I can never remember that it's right across the highway.  I've only been to that hotel a couple of times, and haven't even stayed there.  The first time?  When my husband asked me to marry him.  My first thought was, "humph!  Some way to spend our anniversary."  Then I looked around the van at the kids... at Eric and I... and I remember standing in the top of that hotel on the dance floor, jumping up and down and screaming YES and wanting to be right where we are.  All the beautiful kids, so crazy about each other, so blessed.

Funny, that building being across from Children's was like a hug from God today.  A reminder that He's given me so much, and will continue to hold us.  I'm still not excited about the EUA, still sad that the eye stuff is so hard for my little buddy... but I'm grateful for the reminder that we are held.  That as I hold Ryan, I am held.

Thanks be to God, even when it's hard and I just don't understand why it has to be. For He is good, and He knows best.

Now back to your previously scheduled vacation time!

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